with a quick spit, it hacks forth a living legume, who eats people, its attack of the green legumes!

i feed it an instruction manual titled "How To Work Your Demonic Vending Machine" and a pair of tacks.

Unfortunately the manual is written in Abyssal and the machine was made in Japan. So it spit out a corkboader to post the manual.

I fed it flour, butter, water and roast beef pan drippings.

It spits out a Gravy Golem, and he's on the rampage!
Hide yo' roast beef!
Hide yo' mashed potatoes!

I feed it Dum-Dum pops and hot sauce.

It spit out cherry bombs the size of Candied Apples.


I fed it Angel hair pasta, Stinky cheese and a quart of cold water.

It spits out Captain Rochefourt of the Cardinal's Guards in "Three Musketeers (Disney)"

I feed it nasal spray and peanuts.

it spits out gilbert godfried, one of the funniest men in america and i will debate that for many many moons.

i feed it dane cook, tosh.o, and the entire cast of south park except for kenny, whom im making sure lives.

It spits out Carlos Mencia. The DVM is not known for its sense of humor.

He used to be funny--now he's just sad. See South Park's "Fishsticks" for evidence.


I feed it Ody's bathwater.

it almost shorts out, as it adjusts to the water it gurgles and barely is able to spit out the cast of "Whose Line is it Anyway" hoping that you'll not mistreat it again!

I feed it a towel and a lollipop

it spits out an edible beach umbrella... (insert tootsie pop joke here, i'm blanking atm)

I insert a quarter, a buffalo knickel, a sacajawea dollar, and a POG....

the machine accepts them all, after a moment, it spits out the coins... and for the first time ever i think...

"Pog mine"

i feed it a bag of marbles.

I'll just gently assume you meant to feed the bag of marbles to the DVM. . .

It spits out Eol's brain, better get it back home soon!


I feed it my smelly work shoes.

It spit out Grugg's Christmas Stocking which perfectly matched the the smell of the work shoes. I believe there was even a little lasagna still stuffed in the toe.

I fed it a bottle Champagne, a Tiki torch and a partridge in a plum tree.

it spits out a bear in a purple suit. I suspect tampering.... somebody with Grugg-like skills....

I feed it every film the governator has ever been in, and a single CD loaded with Justin Bieber songs... (any one else think Ahnold won't be enough?)

The Machine rattles violently for several minutes, before finally a stream of liquid metal pours forth from the slot, forming a puddle in front of the machine. The liquid metal then rises up and solidifies into the form of Justin Bieber to the fanfare of a thousand screaming fangirls.

The unholy being, dubbed the 'Biebernator' demands to know the status of his students, and the location of the nearest Turbo Man doll, that he might form an evil army to destroy John Connor, much to the confusion of many.

At that moment, a thick, heavily muscled army bursts forth from the DVM slot and wraps around Biebernator's neck. Ahnold's voice, heard from within, screams "Get back here Ai'm not finished with you yet!" and drags it back into the DVM.

For moral support, I quickly hurl in Clint Eastwood, complete with trademark themes loaded onto one of those iPod stereo thingies.

It spits out a scruffy, nameless detective from San Francisco, wearing a serape and a cowboy hat, driving a pimped out, hybrid Gran Torino and a dirty, hairy orangutan named Clyde who can only make right turns.


I feed it Ralph Macchio, Hillary Swank, Jaden Smith, a bottle of Teriyaki glaze, and six shrimp egg-rolls.