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You are here: Home --> Forum Home --> Creativity Forum --> Posting Games --> Blatantly Obvious Lies
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Reralae
Dreamer of Bladesong
Karma: 142/12
2506 Posts


Let's see...

The reason is quite simple... they are victims of intellect devourer attacks, but this strain of intellect devourer also eats optical nerves... thus they go blind. People only attribute the blindness to incompetence... but they really are blind. The mis-attribution effect

Here's a question... why don't digital clocks tick?


Posted on 2010-02-17 at 16:45:58.

Steelight
Sage of the Realms
Karma: 44/9
1024 Posts


I've got this one

You see, analog clocks are required to have miniature gnomes or dwarves inside them that savagely beat on the internal mechanics with hammers once every second in order for them to function correctly. Digital clocks are an amazing improvement to this. They rely on a purely illusory effect. In effect, the numbers are not really there at all, but we believe they are, so they appear real to us.

Why are there horizontal lines in the sidewalk?


Posted on 2010-02-17 at 17:47:25.

Pit F(r)iend
Welcome Waggin'
Karma: 115/3
1245 Posts


Truly sketchy advice follows

*facepalm* They're not horizontal, they're vertical. Just turn 90 degrees and see for yourself. Also, when the big red hand is flashing at the crosswalk, GO! What, you gonna let a little light tell YOU what to do??


What makes carrots orange?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 04:52:39.

Ion Kired
Tapped Out Bullywog
Karma: 45/4
758 Posts


Food coloring

Carrots are orange because of an experiment that the alien race that gave us the pyramid tried. You see in reality carrots are growable pyramids that shrink right before you pull them out of the ground this quick shrinking process takes up a lot of energy and this energy makes the electrons in the carrots jump to a new level where they remain. The jump produces the color orange.

How do they make Listerine strips?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 05:11:43.

Merideth
Muse-i-licious
RDI Staff
Karma: 182/13
3271 Posts


Well Duh!

Making Listerine Strips: A Step by Step Procedure

1. Grab an Eol (the original is best but sometimes a clone can suffice)

2. Wrap Eol up in lots and lots of duct tape so he cannot escape during step three

3. Force Eol to drink 27 gallons of Listerine (He might get a little tipsy from this but years of conditioning with Cap'n have him well prepared for this we have found)

4. Grab random victims off the street (perferably people with smooth skin and decent hygene practices)

5. Sick Eol on victims (it does help to remove the duct tape, we have found that he flops around like a fish and is not as effective if you don't)

6. Watch the inevitable FACELICK

7. Duct tape the victim (this process does involve ALOT of duct tape, we recommend getting the many colors of it to liven things up some)

8. When the FACELICK has dried peel what is left of it off the victim's face and cut into small squares

9. Wash... Rinse... Repeat



Why didn't Ion already know this?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 15:01:58.

Ion Kired
Tapped Out Bullywog
Karma: 45/4
758 Posts


I have ADHD

And I go distracted in the process around the duct taping with many colors.

Can guardian angels be killed?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 15:06:06.

Merideth
Muse-i-licious
RDI Staff
Karma: 182/13
3271 Posts


Excuses Excuses

No... I don't think they can be killed. However I think it might be possible to commit suicide.

Why can't more things be alphabatized?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 15:09:14.

Ion Kired
Tapped Out Bullywog
Karma: 45/4
758 Posts


Cause that would be boring

Because most things are actually aligned based on a secret code given to followers of XZY the god of anti alphabet. There's important world dominating information hidden in the organization that should be mixed with Eol's Facelick in order to win at Risk.

Why are the prettiest girls always the meanest ones?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 15:13:08.

Merideth
Muse-i-licious
RDI Staff
Karma: 182/13
3271 Posts


Well...

Because... um... wait a minute... I'm not mean am I? *sniffle* Ion! Don't say I'm mean. I don't want to be mean, a little wicked perhaps at times, but not mean. Ohh



Why did you make Meri cry?



Posted on 2010-02-18 at 15:18:08.

Ion Kired
Tapped Out Bullywog
Karma: 45/4
758 Posts


OOOps

I'm sorry no you're no mean and you are one of the prettiest girls, you're the exception to the rule.

Why do all rules have exceptions?


Posted on 2010-02-18 at 15:24:25.

Pit F(r)iend
Welcome Waggin'
Karma: 115/3
1245 Posts


Good Save!

All rules have exceptions so that the occurrence of anomalies in the Matrix is kept to a manageable rate. This is even more important in light of the fact that the Matrix issues patches with the same rate of efficacy as Microsoft.

Why does the printer say "Paper Jam" when There Is No Paper?!?


Posted on 2010-02-25 at 15:34:38.

Merideth
Muse-i-licious
RDI Staff
Karma: 182/13
3271 Posts


Well...

It is a common misreading of the digital read out that 'Paper Jam' means that there is paper somehow jammed in the mechanical workings of the printer. In fact it is a request from the printer. It really does not like eating paper in the dry state it normally comes in. What you are supposed to do is get some gelatin, some paper and a high powered blender and make a jam out of the paper. That way the printer will more easily digest the paper that it inevitably eates, and will even lubricate its inner workings at the same time.

Why do I get my best ideas when I'm driving or at 2am?


Posted on 2010-02-28 at 17:29:10.

Merideth
Muse-i-licious
RDI Staff
Karma: 182/13
3271 Posts


Well...

It is a common misreading of the digital read out that 'Paper Jam' means that there is paper somehow jammed in the mechanical workings of the printer. In fact it is a request from the printer. It really does not like eating paper in the dry state it normally comes in. What you are supposed to do is get some gelatin, some paper and a high powered blender and make a jam out of the paper. That way the printer will more easily digest the paper that it inevitably eates, and will even lubricate its inner workings at the same time.

Why do I get my best ideas when I'm driving or at 2am?


Posted on 2010-02-28 at 17:29:10.

Ion Kired
Tapped Out Bullywog
Karma: 45/4
758 Posts


I thought everyone knew

The band hat is constantly playing in your head music to block out the genius that you truly are goes to sleep around 2 am and when hey get bored on long car rides.

What song does your inner head band play?


Posted on 2010-02-28 at 19:00:22.

Pit F(r)iend
Welcome Waggin'
Karma: 115/3
1245 Posts


Yeah, this is what happens when you listen to Lewis Black

It keeps playing "Tic-Toc" by Ke$ha and I HATE it!! Make it stop in the name of all that is holy (or profane!)! The body does have a finite tolerance of Effexor XR, ya know! And then the music sets off the dogs barking in my brain, and they won't stop! I go to a very expensive therapist to get the dogs to stop barking, but it doesn't work, It Doesn't Work! So now I have Ke$ha and her irritating song on one hand, and a pack of barking dogs on the other--if I could only have a greedy Dwarf inside my head convinced there's gold in them thar brain lobes, I'd have the Trifecta from Hades! SON OF A LICH There he is! You put that pick Down! You put it down Noww! AaaAaARaERrggGGgHhH!!

Okay, now for a question that IRL actually has my head scratching. . .Why doesn't Wal-Mart sponsor a NASCAR driver?


Posted on 2010-03-03 at 12:47:21.

   


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