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You are here: Home --> Forum Home --> Creativity Forum --> Personal Creations --> Render Swiftblade: The beginning
Parent thread: Forgotten Realms: Edge of Darkness
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    Messages in Render Swiftblade: The beginning
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Regular Visitor
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95 Posts

Render Swiftblade: The beginning

Render is a character I am currently playing in FR Edge of darkness. I thought it would be fun to post some side-stories of his previous adventures. This is to develop better writing skills, as I plan to begin writing a book sometime this year.

Please hit me with any criticism no matter how harsh.

I also intend to update this thread with more short stories roughly once a week.

I wrote this last night, and I am aware of a punctuation minefield. READ CAREFULLY.

The orphanage was a small place dark, grotty and cramped. He shared his small room with three other boys, Contus a small human boy with big features, he looked like a nobles son, a bastard from some rich gentlemen no doubt. Samand, a tall elven boy three years older than Render, he was mean looking and was a very self assured and cocky young elf. To the orphans Samand was their leader, their spokesperson, and he took a great liking to Render. The third was a chubby, fat cheeked coward, he was also a halfling but that was about all they had in common. Samand taught Render everything he knew, how to pickpocket, notice targets, and most importantly short cuts and techniques of how to get out of trouble. Samand was Renders role-model, and Render was Samands protege. Others were starting to get jealous, in the orphanage this now meant life or death.

Render was fourteen now and Samand had left the orphanage to join an underground crime gang in Darromar. After fending off many attempts on his life, involving traps, physical violence and even poison, he had become the leader of the small orphan gang. He was worse than Samand had been and even more ruthless. He followed on from Samands organisation of the orphans, they had become a small but effective crime force, they were small, sly and most importantly they were organised. This meant they could scour almost 5% of a crowd, they took jewels, rings and purses. Two would provide a distraction, an argument or a show of a sleight of hand. People would look, or even stare, making them unaware of their surroundings this gave the thieves time to steal and take from the richer members of the crowd.

After a year of false promises, Render took forty percent of all profits, leaving the others little better than they had been a year ago. Render had promised that he would buy the orphanage, they would be a crimeforce and the best in the whole of Tethyr. They would be rich beyond their wildest dreams. The plan however was subtly different, Render would be rich yes, but the others would live a life of paupers. Did he care?

Render was about to find out that fate had a way of intruding on his grand ideas. A month passed and a plague had hit the city of Darromar. Fortunately though, the plague was not one of the norm. It spread throughout the noble quarters, the new slaves from the Jungles of Chult had bought with them an unknown disease. The first time it had paid to be poor, however the benefactor of the orphanage had died leaving no heir, and more importantly no will. This meant they needed a new one, Render had enough money saved now, to be the new owner and benefactor. However, this was not part of his plan, he needed one more month that was all. Then he could leave the orphanage with enough money to start a viable business. He must lie.

He told the other orphans he had bought the place and they were secure, he had also told the council he was awaiting a business deal to go through and would run the orphanage himself in less than a month. Both were dangerous lies, but they had to be told.

The month passed by, and finally, he had saved enough. He was free. The orphans though were not quite as happy as Render. He had confided in no-one, but the more intelligent of the group were starting to suspect something was up, especially Contus. He had grown now to stand a good two foot above Render. He was well toned and very strong and had asserted himself as next in line to Renders... responsibilities. Render feared him, he was dividing the orphanage now. One group were astute followers of Render. The other was drawn in by Contus' rich promises and talks of a fairer share of the rewards. It was time to leave...

Posted on 2011-08-25 at 14:01:15.
Edited on 2011-08-25 at 17:42:15 by The_Haruspex

Eol Fefalas
Keeper of the Kazari
RDI Staff
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8497 Posts

LOL @ punctuation mine-field

Good stuff, Haru... I liked it and, other than that "minefield" you mentioned (oh... and that paupers is spelled with a "u"), think that it's very readable. *nods*

So readable, in fact, that you might even want to flesh out what you've already got posted up there... throw in some more details about Render's life in the orphanage, how he ended up "on the streets," and such... *shrugs* ...make it more "personal" as well as "statistical," you know?

Good stuff, though...

Posted on 2011-08-25 at 14:22:38.

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Erm... yeah the punctuation needs work, and other posts will provide the bulk with which you are speaking. They may not be in chronological order though.

Posted on 2011-08-25 at 14:58:45.

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Meet the parents

Another piece, this one is more about how Renders brief bonding with his parents and how it would've made him who he is today!

Trajore was a happy man, he had met the love of his life, and today was the day of entwining. Their souls would be together soon, it was a halfling ritual that had been passed down through the small mystical towns history. The town laid just outside of the Forest of Mir, and was shrouded with mystery to outsiders. The halflings here trained for war, and were warriors. Whether they be silent and sly to being raw muscle and wearing heavy armour, some were mounted others rode chariots.

The town was small but heavily fortified, this gave a microscopic feel to the place were the walls were far out of proportion with the residents. Despite its martial atmosphere, it was a hamlet based on community and individuals who were not born warriors were also valued. Some were merchants who travelled to Darromar, the nearest city; there they would sell exports, mainly weapons and other metallic goods. The merchants would also buy production goods: Scrap metal, coal, flint and tinder, and other vital necessities needed for crafting.

Most townsfolk would not see the outside of the bleak, but stout walls. Trajore however was of a different nature, he longed for adventure and to travel to faraway lands. He was achieving this goal steadily. He had travelled to Amn, trusted on his trading ability. When his team returned, the trip had been a success, they had signed four big treaties with metal companies in Amn. This was a record in itself, however it was somewhat overshadowed by the huge deal closed by Trajore himself. The contract signed by Eke's Axes, would mean that a large portion of exports would be sold with minimal efforts, he had even halved transport costs.

Trajore was good, very good. He had but one flaw, he wasn't happy. He didn't mind closing deals and helping the people he loved, but he wanted to break his barriers not live within them. He wanted risk and danger, he would get it...

* * *

It was a momentous day, the majority of the town were out to celebrate the special day. They lined the roads which Trajore walked. He sat astride his riding dog Sylveste, nodding at people he recognised from the crowd; there was Danuth, Lord of the metalsmith guild, his Large flat nose the most prominent feature on his face, his brown mop of hair flailed in the wind. He raised a hand to sweep his writhing hair back to a ponytail. Averting his gaze, he looked to the right hand side of the crowd, there he saw Jinyl, they used to be so mischievous and playful together, a smile creased his face as he thought about the past. Now they resented one another, in fact it was his wife to be that had separated them. Her beauty was talked about throughout the village, and Trajore was a truly lucky man. He turned the street corner and saw her; her hair was a chestnut colour and seemed to glisten in the summer sun and move as gently as a flower did in a gentle breeze. Their eyes met each other and Trajore was drawn in by her auburn eyes, as he was each time he looked into them. Her thin lips arced into the shape of a crescent moon, making Trajores stomach leap into a hive of butterflies.

The crowd turned into a blur as he got more and more lost in Bryndyls inviting auburn eyes. He was smitten and could not be happier that she was pregnant and a little bit of their love could be shared in the world.

* * *

The entwining process was over and it was time for the traditional speech of the new man.
“Girls and Boys, Ladies and Gentlemen. We came here today to watch the love of two halflings come together. However this is not the only news and excitement we have.” Trajores palms began to sweat, and he worried for how the words he was about to say would be received.
“I am now the proud owner of a home in Darromar, and I... wait we wish to grow up as a family there. I say as a family, this is because I am to be a father and Bryndyl to be a mother.” The room was quiet, and this made for an awkwardness that left little to be envied.

Suddenly a cheer went up, and a rasping applause echoed around the hall. Even Bryndyls father had a smile on his face. Truly Trajore was a respected gentlemen indeed.

Posted on 2011-08-25 at 17:39:48.
Edited on 2011-08-25 at 17:42:49 by The_Haruspex

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