Just wondering if anyone has any epitaphs they'd like to share for characters long departed.

I came across an amusing one, although it wasn't my own:

'Here lies Grymlock

If you can read this,
I didn't kill you.'

One of dms put it up in a deserted town. It read:

Here Lies The Entire Town Of Idiots
They Wouldn't Answer My Questions So
I Killed A Few And They Still Wouldn't
Answer So I Got Mad And Killed Them All
Then I Greaved For I Still Didn't Get Answer
So I Errected This Stone To Tell All To Answer
My Questions When Asked.

Domar The Barbarian

My group added a little more to it just for fun under his name we added.

And I Still Didn't Find The Answer To Lacing My Boots

Oh and before I forget, there was a great one from an English comedian, Spike Milligan, who died a few years ago and had transcribed on his headstone:

'I told you I was ill.'

I ended up in one game finding the body of my first D&D char so I felt I had to have this char finding him being a priest of the same god knowing him by tales alone erect this one to him.

Bad Ax He Wasn't The Sharpest Axe In The Land
He Fought Hard With His Axe In Hand Till The Day
Fell Down The Hole While Fighting The Stone Dwarf
He Would Really Have Rather Been Drinking On The Warf.

I know they aren't really character but still funny.

Here he lies he lied he cheated he stole but he was still a good friend I guess it might have saved his life if he hadn't been.

You think I'm dead but I just went fishing.

My wife and kids did this to me.

At least I got away from my wife.

I know you know who did this to me.

Boo got you one last time.

I'm behind you don't run to fast you know I'm not as young as I used to be.

I lived how I died it was a fun ride.

There really was a fly in my soup.

I didn't get the fish he got me.

Where did that horse come from.

there are more but that is enough for now.

I have a manila folder in my file cabinet that I keep my sheets for dead chracters in. I call it my Elvira file, after my first character to be killed in a game. I also have an Elvira file on my computer, but it is unoccupied at the moment.

On the front of the manila folder there is an image of a headstone with the following inscription:

Hail Elvira!
Thought she was
better tan everyone.
She was.
Everyone but one.

It isn't for a character, but for those games that ended up dying before they even began...

Afterlife of Ideas

Fading away into the quiet night,
It disappears from our enquiring sight.
Farewell sweet idea, a thought only told,
Only to linger in our minds for others to unfold.
Gathering in the void with other ideas unknown,
A true source for beginnings, if any of it is shown.
But they're gone now, so we can only sigh,
And remember ones we know, for something else to try.

But, since this thread is here, I'll definitely come up with epitaphs for characters that 'died' (meaning they would've otherwise lived, if the campaign lived... as of yet, I don't have any characters that actually died in a game)

A flute in her hand she often would hold,
And the tune she played was worth more than gold.
Each note sharp and crisp in the air,
Or gentle and flowing without a care.
Her golden eyes looked out of sight,
As she took her stand in the night.
Against the foe, she took out the flute's head,
And revealed the blade thinner than a thread.
Swift with grace, like the songs she played,
Her blade danced to the beat she made.
But before long, she was taken before her time,
And her flute was lost with the funeral bell's chime.

~Seralia

"Here Lies Grugg. He ate the tombstone and he couldn't write, so you're simply imagining something is written here."

"Here lies the Black Dragon my Cieala so enraged. Were it but not for my DM's NPC, she would be naught but naught. Thus is stands that she lived to be forgotten, of the same mission and work as Seralia above."

I had a Star Wars character who died in an interesting way.

His epitaph: "Here lies Joran Drax; he swallowed a thermal detonator."

It was a closed-casket funeral.

Seldom seen without her gun by her hand,
And always envisioning a plan that is grand.
The brains of her squad, and a fairly good shot,
It may be difficult to follow her train of thought.
A soldier of battle, dying in the field,
At least her plan would bear fruit in its yield.
Just one of the casualties in many-a fight,
Is there a way to stop the endless plight?

~Gen

You think I am dead, but that is not so,
You just don't know where I did go.
Here I wander, and there I am,
Wondering just what is a yam.
Maybe I'm here, above your head,
Then I could prod you and prove I'm not dead.
You can't see me, but know I am here,
I won't die easily, don't you fear.
The sights I've seen, between here and there,
From pathways I've taken, hidden in the air.
I love to fly; don't make me stay still.
Wandering is what I do for a thrill.
If you know me, one day I'll be back,
But don't fret and wait or try to track!
You cannot follow where I will go,
So just be patient; I will be back you know!

~The wandering sylph Sen

One sister dwelt in the day, enjoying the light,
The other dwelt under the sun of the night.
Twins born at the twilight that is true,
Separated between the world that is two.
The day of one is the dream of the other,
So one was left without sister or mother.
As it is with both sides of the same coin,
Neither sister could truly meet or join.
They were born a whole world apart,
Yet, they both shared the same heart.
Fighting the malice breaking the worlds to bits,
And finding the space where both of them fits,
Yet, their story is unfinished and not done,
For the plight has not yet been won.

~Tenee and Ita

"If you're reading this, my chili experiment went awry."