I'm the corrupt businessman running the paypal security and paying off the troopers.

I'm the corrupt businessman's wife who spends all his money so he no longer has the cash to bribe the policemen.

I'm the pool boy that took the wife's money while she lounging around the pool trying to temp me.

I'm immigration services that sent the pool boy back to Cuba.

I'm the owner of Cuba that doesn't want the pool boy and sends him back.

I'm the U.S. Coast Guard that turn him back to Cuba.

coast gaurd's wife that just got divorced with him and tried to kill him.

I'm the MPs that arrest the wife.

I am TangerOctopus and I use my suckered arms to ensnare the Members of Parliament (MP's from New Zealand, of course!) who decided for some reason that they had jurisdiction in the domestic affairs of another country's service people's domestic affairs. And no domesticated animals were involved, because TangerOctopus is the furthest thing from domesticated. You'd have better luck with an irritable fiendish dire wolverine and no ranks in Handle Animal.

(Edit: while wearing your lucky ham, to boot!)

i am the irritated fiendish dire wolverine who rampages over the tangeroctopus with an army of balverines due to the insultive insinuative comments!

I am the lazor cannon that over kills your whaterer it is wolverine.

i am the extension cord that doesnt reach far enough for it to work

I'm the battery backup that has enough power to toast that little bugger.

I'm the expiration date that kills the battery.

(I was going to say "EMP", but didn't want to break the game.)

i am the bad labeler at the factorry that mislabeled the expiration date allowing it to have an extra week!