1) Love, love, LOVING all of the posting! Keep it up!
2) It's always correct to check with a department head before controlling one of "their" NPC.
3) Regarding te use of "ma'am" - this came up in the last adventure. Please check this, from the Draconis Fleet FAQ:
Superior officers are always referred to as "sir" (unless you are using the proper rank address below). This is regardless of gender. Likewise, the term "mister" is pretty universal, regardless of gender. While it is technically okay to use feminine pronouns, you should understand that in Star Trek, some species have more than two genders, some have none, etc. Ergo, "sir" and "mister" have lost essentally all gendering by the 24th century.
I had a player once who had a problem with this, felt like it was disrespectful - or that their chaacter did.
Here's what you need to keep in mind - Trek is in the 24th century; gender and race relations among humanity are not like they are today. And then there are aliens. There are at least three Peregrine crew members who come from species where there are *four* genders. And then, even with many that have two genders, you have to unerstand - they likely did not develop along the same traditional gender roles as humanity had (even before humanity progressed). If I'm not mistaken, we also have one crewmember from an asexual species.
So what you end with is that you need generic terms that work for any gender. I suppose that we could have made up words...
"Yes xau!" the Lieutenant responded. Turning to her right, she enlisted help. "Xalpau Stevens, grab your tricorder and come with me."
But... c'mon. Those words are "sir" and "mister".
"Yes sir!" the Lieutenant responded. Turning to her right, she enlisted help. "Mister Stevens, grab your tricorder and come with me."
I am as big a supporter of equality that you will find anywhere in the world. But you just have to realize - in the make believe world of Star Trek, there is no gender attached to "sir" or "mister", at least not when used in the setting of Starfleet.
I'm the guy who tries to line up all of the details, who knows when the lowliest crewman is on duty, who actually works out how long it takes us to cover a make believe distance in our make believe ship going a make believe speed. This is to say - I care about minutia, I try to keep things imersive in terms of the setting.
So do me a favor, please, and follow the pronoun convention. I get it, it's weird to us in the 21st century to call a woman "sir" or "mister", but you get used to it, and it actually helps make the setting feel more "real".