^ Shaves monkeys for fun
< beats monkeys for fun (Has one frozen and one wet)
V should know the reference.

^ Likes to laugh at people when they don't get his obscure references.

> Likes to play her snarfblat.

v Was recently asked to leave a Wal Mart Supercenter.

^ Sings in the shower

< recovering from a sweet tea buzz

v likes being tazed

^ shouldn't drink the sweet tea before properly paying at the Wal-Mart Supercenter checkout.

< does indeed trot around yelling "Please taze me, bro!"

v should learn the lesson well and not narf sweet tea from Wal-Mart while being tazed...by leprechauns. In togas. And pumps.

^ Crossdressing leprachaun
< Lucky Charms
V Magically Delicious

^ loves the purple horseshoes.

< likes Cocoa Pebbles.

v is a cereal killer.

^ Chock full o' marshmallowy goodness

< Chock full o' nuts

V Chocks their tires when parking cuz the breaks ain't be woikin'!

^ refuses to go cuckoo for cocoa puffs
< mutilated a cheerios box, leaving it for dead in a seedy part of town
V is worried for breakfast tomorrow, now that the Cereal Killer is about

^ is wanted for cheericide.

< has Cereal Killer kryptonite...bacon n eggs! Hah!

v kills people for eating bacon n eggs. Dang.

^ Knows too much information about me...

> Kills people for knowing too much information...

V Is self centered and therefore will not be killed for knowing too much information...

^quirky in a good way

< not self centered...left justified

v tastes like chicken

^ has been tasting me in my sleep.

< Will thoughtfully put out a napkin and utensils before going to bed.

v is hungry.

^ Is still mourning Jessica Alba.

> Married to a man who wants a sea monkey.

v Tastes like unicorn.

^ has been stealth-licking me again, dangit.

< only mourns that Jessica Alba isn't my wife. Heh.

v must call Jessica and tell her to marry me

^ is too late, she's already married

< wants to be camping NOW

V is made of win