Gamov,

No expect pitty from me! Once reach rock bottom, only way go is up, Unless you find you in same place me am, the 9th level of Hell.

-Ogre
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Deer Oger,

I am hopplesly dislecksic, end tharfour concedered tha toun idiut. wut kin eye due?

Miss Spelled inn Grayhok

Ogre not know what dislexic mean but you need learn spelling. Town idiot good job. Have place to sleep, get food and good job security. If you not want that job you come live in Ogre cave so ogre look smarter.

-Ogre

________________________________________

Dear Ogre,

My brother and I disagree on the best method of torching a town. He says to pour oil over everything before lighting it and I say that is a waste of good oil on thatched homes. Can you settle this for us?

-Hot in Helmsdeep

Dear Hot,

U both wrong!! Very best way of torching town is make frends with dragon--lessee, what color do Ogre need for this? Gold never do this for Ogre. . .Oh! Ogre need Red dragon for torch town! Ogre has Red dragon frend who sometime let me ride on back. WOOSH we fly in low and RAWR da dragon roar and breeth fire over everyting!! *claps hands in joy* So fun to watch hoomins run and scream on fire and howses on fire and horseys on fire. . .Ogre do this tonight! Where you say you live again?

Ogre


Dear Ogre,

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would that be?

Dr. Phil

Dear Phil

Ogre would change Ogre luck. Ogre got drawn female ogre string and must now wear sex change belt. Ogre wish he could change this.

Dreading looking in the mirror,
Ogre

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Dear Ogre,
If you had a twin would you be the good twin or the bad twin?

Just wondering,
Raistlin

Of course Ogre would be evil twin. If there two Ogres and one good and one bad then bad ogre would smash good ogre to bits and so only bad ogre be left. Since ogre is here to answer silly questions ogre must be the evil one. Ogre use logic and now head hurts.

-Ogre

_______________________________________________________

Dear Ogre,

I have a date tonight and want to impress my lady friend. What should I wear and should I bring her a present?

-Romeo

dear romeo,

wear loincloth, it both outfit and present at same time!

signed,
ogre da fashion masher!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dear ogre,

my pink boneless cat keeps getting into mischief, and won't stay home, he just goes down drains and keeps bringing back odd items, ranging from gnomes to panties. What do I do?

PS: I don't want to hurt my Choo-Choo Bear!

signed,
Davan

Dear Davan,
Idle hands lead to mischief. You should send cat on missions to get pretty baubles for you. I cat getting stuff for you then cat not getting wrong things.

Ogress

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Dear Ogre,

I'm trapped in amber and can't get out. To make things worse a succubus sits just outside tempting me. Help please!

Wizard in Hell

dear wizard,

dont wizards have magic? you should try that. oh, and dont go with succubus, unless she have candy.

-ogre

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Ogre,

My party members take way too much time talking to villagers and not enough time for killing! How do I get them back into Hack-n-Slash mode?

~Thirsty for Blood

Dear thirsty,
If friends will not be used for killing, throw them through doorways. That way either they forced to fight, or turn into funny colors on wall.
Signed,
Ogre

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Dear ogre,
I am trying to find a way to sneak into the town's tavern and steal both the cash box and the liquor stores, any ideas?

-Sneakthief

Dear Sneaky Thiefy,

Don't sneak, just go in and take what you want. If you aren't big enough to take what you want, find someone to bash his way through and then take what you want. If big guy a problem, stab him in the back.

-ogre

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Dear Ogre,

One of my party members is leaving. Any suggestions as to who I might get to replace her?

~One card shy of a full deck

Dear Shy,

Replace with sheep. Sheep not need share of treasure and not steal pretty wenches from you in tavern. Also, if sheep not work out, you still can eat it.

X)
Ogre

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Dear Ogre,

Any idea on what I might do with an intelligent sword that doesn't speak my language?

Signed,
Baffled Barbarian