Step 16: Mourn burnt pants.

Step 17: Perform a proper funeral for the pants.

Step 18... Put on a different pair of pants to see if the said new pants get jealous

19: Remove all pants and refuse to mention them ever again.

20. Remember abandoned shoes where they were left next to vomit and lighter/match in the middle of no where.

21: Place shoes on feet.

Notice the lack of shoelaces on said shoes, and devise a plan to locate shoelaces. After devising 20 logical plans and 1 illogical plan, go with the illogical plan, keeping the other 20 as backup. Proceed to step 23.

23: In accordance with step 22 light yourself on fire and jump into the air thrice letting loose a cry of exultant joy as your flesh cracks and burns. Upon completion of self-immolation run in circles upon a pentagram and sing three separate selections from the Moody Blues song library then call upon your trial disc of AOL to produce a pair of exceptionally durable and everlasting shoelaces.

Step 24.
reaches into circle of fire, pulls out shoelaces, blows them out and proceeds to lace up shoes.

step 25:
While lacing your shoes, take great care in seeing that they are and will remain out of the reach of children as they are a severe choking hazard

When the laces spontaneously combust, as they often do during lacing up unlaced shoes, scream and run around in flaming shoes for 20 minutes.

The shoes will eventually go out, and when they do, finish lacing and tying them.

realize you forgot to shake the rocks out of the shoes.

Smash said rocks with a hammer.

Put a cast on both feet as you forgot to remove the rocks from your shoes and for that matter forgot to remove your feet from the shoes