is the lamest excuse ever.

Just write one, that's what Steelight did.

M.

muuuuch older and wiser

I've always looked with a jaded eye at Barney the Dinosaur and when my nephew was watching that drek on a daily basis many years ago, my distrust blossomed into pure hate for that singsongy do-gooding heel-clicking son of a lich. Here's some musical expressions of my loathing of that blashpemous THING.

(To the tune of the Barney theme)
I Hate You, You Hate Me,
Go get a gun and Cap Bar-ney!
With Two to the Chest and One to the Head,
Ain't You Glad That Bar-ney's Dead?

(To the Tune of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man")
I am the Great Barney,
And I command you to worship me!
Kneel down at your bed
Listen to that voice inside your head!
You will know it's me,
From all the things I make you see!
All of you love Me,
Now I'll have my revenge!

(To the tune of "Yes, Jesus Loves Me")
Barney loves me, this I know,
'Cuz the TV tells me so.
Little children all around,
Bow their heads to the ground.
Yes, Barney loves me!
Yes, Barney loves me!
Yes, Barney loves me,
The TV tells me so!

This has to be best one of the lost timers I've ever seen. Such excellent copy and never ending mush.
I follow for while and then splush, wassat? I'm soooo confused.
Well I may be old, but I'm slow too!

A dragon has come to our village today.
We've asked him to leave, but he won't go away.
Now he's talked to our king and they worked out a deal.
No homes will he burn and no crops will he steal.

Now there is but one catch, we dislike it a bunch.
Twice a year he invites him a virgin to lunch.
Well, we've no other choice, so the deal we'll respect.
But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect.
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Now we'd like to be shed you, and many have tried.
But no one can get through your thick scaly hide.
We hope that some day, some brave knight will come by.
'Cause we can't wait around 'til you're too fat to fly.

Now you have such good taste in your women for sure,
They always are pretty, they always are pure.
But your notion of dining, it makes us all flinch,
For your favorite entree is barbecued wench.

Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat,
If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat.
No more will our number ever grow small,
We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all!

So we're a bunch of song writers?

(Sung to the tune of "Men in Tights")

We're men, we're men in kilts.
We’re hiking the forest using our hiking skills.
We're men, we're men in kilts.
We avoid sweaty thighs and roving eyes, no guilt!
We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else they’ll be reading your wills.
We're men, we're men in kilts,
Always on guard enjoying our manly thrills.

[Dance number, chorus line style]

We're men, MANLY men, we're men in kilts. Yeah!
We’re hiking the forest using our hiking skills.
We're men, we're men in kilts.
Enjoying the breeze and we do as we please, no guilt!
We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong we’re mighty and strong, we’re built.
We're men, we're men in kilts (MANLY kilts),
Always on guard enjoying our manly skills.
When you're in a fix just call for the men in kilts!
We're butch.

(Whoo, whoo, I've been leveled up again, now to Regular Visitor)

I like hairy feet and I can't deny...
When I see a short little girl walk by
With fuzz on her toes
I get sprung
You other races can't deny
Halflings got FEET!

Somewhere I had this all typed up but I can't find it right now so that will have to do for now.

M.

I love that song!!!

I've got the whole thing stored around here, somewhere, myself... need to dig that up and post it Meri-luv!

Gnome, Gnome on the Range,

Where the Beer and the Cantaloupe Play

Greetz, All!

Have any of you SEEN recent pics of Iggy Pop lately? This guy--all due respect--could be the next Freddy Kreuger and the film's FX budget would be that much smaller.

I've often said when it comes to age, "It ain't the years, it's the mileage." Mr. Pop seems to have set a new record in the mileage category. I reckon that's the price to be paid for being a government-inspected 100% Party God.

For those who feel daring, do an image Google search on him, but maybe you should cover your hardware with clear plastic first.

= demi-lich

*nods* I'm pretty sure of it.

And what is the deal with that ginormous vein running across his chest?? Where is that in Gray's Anatomy?

... that's actually some sort of symbiote, Pit, and not a vein at all. It's probably that thing that's responsible for keeping him alive all these years... some sort of heebie-jeebie-boogens-from-outer-space that thrives on massive amounts of drugs and alcohol....

Hmmmm... "Lust-for-life-biote?"

"massive amounts of drugs and alcohol"....
Hmmmm... I use to see stuff like that back in the 60's and 70's but I can't remember. Maybe it was at the Jefferson Airplane concert at the Akron Rubber Bowl. (Yep, I was there.)

Hey, which way to the bar?

Well, Odyson, the main bartender here at the illustrious Red Dragon Inn is Ion Kired. He would merrily tap on over and lead you right to the bar, but I haven't seen him in quite some time.

Could somebody start scrying before I start crying? We're almost out of spiced mead and Ion's the only one who can order more!