A scroll of Keen

I feed it a marshmallow

It spits out the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man

I feed it a friend's Space Ork WHM40k army

(btw, Eol, "wasted days and wasted nights"? You're not old enough to be a Freddy Fender fan, are u?)

It spits out a zergling army

I feed it an energy crystal

It spits out radioactive Crystal Light drink mix!

I feed it the Kool Aid Man

It spits out a pile of bricks and some seriously wigged out kids.


I feed it those kids.

(Pit... Ion's right... I'm pretty old by human standards... And yes... I'll admit I was a Freddy Fender fan back in grade school... Lived in New Mexico when I first heard that song, if I recall.

P.S. +1 for knowing a Freddy Fender tune.)

It spits out the Octomom, her kids, Jon&Kate+8 and all of them can only talk like "Whe we goin' naw?" (4 u, Meri!)

I feed it the original cast of Survivor

(quick unrelated note: Why does Kool Aid Man have pants now?? Back in the day, he was just a pitcher full of refreshing cold Kool Aid and we were totally all right with that, but Now He Has Pants. What sense of modesty does Kool Aid Man need or have now??)

It chews on the cast of Survivor, finds the whole ordeal undigestible and spit it out.

In an act of mercy I feed it 'Atlas Shrugged', 'The Giver', 'Shogun', and 'The Shining'

It eats The Shining and. . .spits out a tidal wave of demon possessed blood, with those two creepy girls asking if anyone wants to play!

I feed it Jack Nicholson's career

it spits out a werewolf in a purple suit carrying plastic utensils with it...

I feed it my 'Complete Works of William Shakespeare'

It spits out Kenneth Branagh! (who makes good movies based on Shakespeare. C'mon gimme that much!)

I feed it an entire bottle of cough syrup

It spits out the grape flavoring.

I feed it some real grapes

((And good job... Kenneth, he does make some really good Shakespeare stuff, and I've got this strange crush on him that I can't quiet explain. Actually one my favorite movies by/starring him, isn't Shakespeare, its Dead Again. I'm actually looking forward to watching all like 5 hours of his Hamlet next weekend though! That's right I'm making a date with Ken and the Bard. And I'm rambling again... sorry... ))

And thence it spits out Casillero del Diablo Carmenere vintage 2002 (which is awesome-sauce incarnate!)

I feed it my resulting hangover

It spits out an overhang.

I feed it the paperclip from Microsoft Office.

It spits out Vista.

I feed it a Mac.

It spits out Justin Long.

I feed it a frozen waffle and a can of Manwich.