Granted.
The sickness gods have replaced the Flu with their new and improved version called SLU. It's 3 times worse and you are their guniea pig to try it out on.
you are named Rodriguez the Great, but everyone calls you Rod, and refuses to add the "great" part, since you now have the opposite of a great rod. O_O
Hey, you familiar with the concept of Phoenician Purple? When they crush the mollusks to get the color purple? Well unfortunately you are the sea snail that is oozing away on the countertop, awaiting your future...