Because of the lab rats...Duhhhhhhh

Why are they after me?

they're following the smoke.

Why are there no unicorns?

because Voldemort has killed them all for his own selfish purposes



why do the British drop their "h's" ???

Because they eat beans for breakfast and for this moral and ethical breach they have been punished with the inability to say "Hamburger" correctly. (They deserve much worse for their crimes! They got off easy!)

Why do people think they can make a foreigner understand their language if they just slow down and yell loudly?

foreigners are hard of hearing.



if china is drilling for oil 90 miles off the coast of Florida...why can't we?

And they only speak english, so we were able to understand their protest and refrained from drilling. However, no matter how slowly and how loudly the mermaids have tried to explain their situation to the Chinese they cannot understand each other and so the Chinese continue to drill.

Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light?

...but ol' Scratch has absolutely no rythym and kept stomping on my toes so we switched to dancing in broad daylight or, at the very least, under studio lights. Look for Lucifer and myself on the next season of Dancing with the Stars. We'll bust out a seriously hot samba!


Why do men have nipples?

so they would'nt have nipple envy.



why is Eol so funny?

Because Eol has in fact succedded in eating every single Calvin and Hobbs carton ever made.
Note: All that fiber has also made him very regular in addition to being funny.

Why does my kitty sleep in the sink?

Because the creator of the original sink was an avid cat lover and he decided to make it the perfect dementions, angles, and smoothness for cats of all kinds. It fits them perfectly and yet you can get them out quickly with the turn of a nob. Simple and efficient.

Why do normal dinner forks have 4 tongs?

all the abnormal ones were committed to a hospital for the criminally insane where to this day they plot their escapse with the help of a corupt shrimp fork and a disgruntled serving spoon.


how big is the universe?

Is the size of, and is contained within a walnut. We all fit in here because apparantly space, like time, is all relative. The only reason why we can't infiltrate the walnuts of our world is due our misunderstanding of mass. That and the true walnut is universe sized. All the others are merely pale and miniscule immitations.

Why aren't there game rules for climbing monster DCs? Do they expect us to bring down a Dragon through numerous slits to its feet?

They don't give them because they expect you to, yes.






17?

17 is okay, there is a mostly unknown legal statute that is from the days when the roman emporers ruled the earth as mortal gods. It reads as follows "Si illic est gramen in agri vos may lascivio" Roughly translated as "If there is grass on the field you may play"

Is vitamin water really filled with vitamins?

Vitamin water is alot like apple juice. They gather up all the vitamins (this takes a military convoy to do as the vitamins are resistant to being gathered), shove them all into a vat and then stomp them to death. During this process the small amount of water in them seeps out and is collected by imps who put it into non-biodegradable plastic bottles for retail sale. This is also why vitamin water is so expensive, not only do we need to pay the military for their time (and all the ammunition they use) but vitamins have very little water in them so it takes thousands of squished vitamins in order to fill up one bottle.

Where is the sun located, exactly?