My cat & your pooch are in a heated texas hold em game.
Your pooch loses your house to my cat who evicts you because you don't have cattitude.



I wish Christmas was over

You also accidentally cancel Boxing Day the holiday for Canadian postal workers along with Christmas. So countless overworked, irate, disgruntled Canadian postal workers and Santa Claus himself storm your house and crush you.... twice... and steal your refrigerator.

I wish I had some new shoes. nothing fancy or anything just something sturdy and not too ugly...

You have great new shoes. Now, if only you hadn't traded all of your other clothes to get them. (Cover that up!)







I wish I had a vat of cottage cheese!

a lonely little electron inside my computer...the only one. You're the reason my computer keeps crashing so I locate a sledge hammer and whack my computer to death with you inside.


I wish I knew what I was getting for Christmas!!

You now know. You're getting a lifetime supply of jams and used mens socks. Merry Christmas, don't you wish you'd waited?




I wish I knew if my brother forgot Christmas or not.

You find out he didn't but can't come because he's CIA and now since you know a government secret you are hunted down and sent to Guantanamo bay...

I wish I could have better vision because glasses are annoying...

your vision is perfect...you see everything clearly but now your hearing is going bad and you have to hold one of those old timey horns up to your ear to hear anything.
How annoying!!



I wish I could swim

You swim fantastically, but you can't walk at all anymore.





I wish I could go back to bed and start the day over again.

You do, and everything plays out the exact same way, albeit worse.


I wish I was a killer whale...but with wings and missiles and s***...

You are a killer whale...with wings and missiles and s***.
But mostly s***.


I wish I knew then what I know now.

You do and then you are abducted by aliens, so you know a lot more... that you wish you didn't know.



I wish i knew someone who was abducted by aliens.

You do know someone abducted by aliens but you don't know who they are. You become extremely paranoid that you are missing some life changing information so 'just in case' you begin to take everything anybody says as truth... verrrry dangerous.


I wish I could go again

You'll go again, after me. But, not before I crush you to death (a popular answer in this thread).




I wish my boobs would get out of my way while I sleep.

They are out of the way, but only because Grugg broke into your house and is holding them

I wish for whirled peas

You have Whirled Peas...I can't stop laughing!!!

I can't even think of a way to corrupt that!! So I won't!!



I wish I could stop laughing!!