A buttload is a unit of measure originated by Central American cannibals many years ago. After eating their human victims, they would use the skin for various and sundry things. The most popular use was to take the butt skin and sew it together to make a carrying bag for whatever might need to be carried. It began casually enough: "I'm taking a buttload of kidneys to market" or "Help me carry this buttload of brains to the bakery." But in later years scientists took careful measurements (before they were eaten, of course) and determined that a buttload is exactly 35.7237843948 pounds.

Why is the President's plane called Air Force One?

Because it's a plane, so it can't be called Navy One, and we all know THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!




Which one's the any key?

The one that doesn't have "outie" written on it


Are couch potatoes good to eat?

Yes! In fact, couch potatoes have very high nutritional value. And here's a fun fact: A couch potato's brain is better than Tivo! If you eat said brain, you will gain all knowledge of all TV shows and video games said couch potato has experienced. A helpful fact that all zombies should keep in mind!

Why can there be only one?

because two wouldn't fit into a spandex suit



is this all there is?

Nope, there's more right over there. Bring a dustpan.

Are fairies real?

they're Memorex




why is the black box black?

Because that makes it easier to find when the plane crashes at night.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Making films in a sleazy downtown LA hotel room with Waldo ...


Why do they say "pie are square" when it is a known fact that pie are round and cornbread are square ?

It's those dang Swedes...they make the pie that are square and the cornbread that are round. Also, "pie are square" is an ancient code phrase that is used to inform others that one's spleen is inflamed.

Why are polar bears white?

cuz Black and Brown were already taken.



how does everyone here know that everyone here is thinking 'bout somebody else? (extra points for knowing where that's from)

Because everyone here is psychic, and we have all come to worship Miss Cleo-hehe.

(Sorry, the reference is vaguely familiar but I can't place it.)

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

Because we're supposed to follow in God's footsteps.
(I don't mean to offend anyone with that comment.)

Why do some people like to wee on each other?

Because, and for the reason that, the method called "wee"-ing is non-wiolent, and non-wiolents are always looked at more favorably that the more wiolent method of "wailing" on someone. Even tho' wiolents smell better than some non-wiolents ...


Why is Michael Jackson eveh thinking about making a comeback tour?

cuz fans like you and me are demanding it



why does Red Lobster put pink and blue bands around the lobster claws in the tank?