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Why do I like pepperoni so much?

Could it be because you simply like long spicy meat sticks?

Nah, Can't be that simple. . .Aha! Pepperoni reconnects you with a genetic memory of the time when your ancestors worshiped Bahnazafranalaka, benevolent deity of Being Able to Eat in the Winter. See, way back in the day you could only eat what you freshly caught or found, and in the winter neither the hunting nor the gathering was all that plenty and many starved. Then Bahnazafranalaka (or "The Big 'B'" to his followers) took pity on the struggling folk and bequeathed unto them the secrets for preserving meat. For centuries or at least two weeks after, The Big B's supplicants renewed their covenant with him by preparing and then feasting on all manner of sausage. Salamis, Bolognas, Kielbasas, and the most venerated of all, the Pepperoni. It was the original sausage-fest!


Why wasn't Firefly more of a success?

Because of the Irish.

Where do the Irish live?

The Irish live in boxes of Lucky Charms and yer just eating all of their insulation so Stop It! Stop It Now!

Why won't the Trix Rabbit ever learn?

Because of the mobius strip.

Why aren't high heels more comfortable?

Because no one has taken the time to invent low-toes that properly counterbalance them.

If birds fly over the rainbow, why oh why can't I?

Because there are only happy thoughts and gum drops beyond the rainbow. You wouldn't fit in, and besides aften ten minutes of all that sappy s*** you'd be begging to go back anyway, so don't trouble your pretty little head over the rainbow.

Why aren't more things purple?

...more things were purple in the days when Eol walked alone on the Earth. In those days, there weren't faces to lick so Eol decided to lick all the purple things. After a few millenia most all of the purple things had been licked away to their next gobbstopper like layer... and people appeared... and verily Eol decided that faces were more lickity-licious than the color purple... so Oprah got a talk show and the world got facelicks.

Haven't I explained that before?

Probably... but I'm still disturbed by the lack of purple in my life. At least is purple... that's a relief.

Is it true?

It is true... however, is is false... therefore, in the query "Is it true?" Is cancels out It and and the truth just is... which somehow makes it false... so the truth becomes a lie... making the answer to 'is it true' = no... but then we're back to the Is and It conundrum...


So is it or isn't it? True or False?

I think that you will find the answer to that at the bottom of your coffee mug. Keep drinking dear... keep drinking the answer will surface, maybe not with this cup, but surely with the next...

What is it about tea leaves that make them so... prophetic?

The tea plant is a many-splendored thing. Full of beneficial antioxidants and offering a full spectrum of subtle flavors, the tea plant is also sentient and possesses super-human intelligence. Realizing that an intricate root system prevented it from acheiving world domination, the tea plant instead devoted its supra-brainpower to connecting with the world on a global scale. By utilizing this primordial "world wide web" (they also talk to each other telepathically, natch) they have complete knowledge of past and present and this gives them a rather good glimpse into the future. This quality extends to the leaves even after they are harvested, dried and brewed by us relatively low-brow humans. Incidentally, most tea-leaf predictions are misinterpreted. they actually mean in most cases "Stop drinking tea! Have you tried Ovaltine? It's good!"

What makes John Mayer so popular?

John Mayer is actually... shhh this is a big secret... a tea plant. He mutated during gestation to be able to survive for short periods of time with his roots pulled out of the ground. Every night though he must return to the soil. This explains why his relationship with Jennifer Anniston never really took off. All those times she thought he was sleeping with other women he was actually getting fertilizer treatments out in her garden *shrug*

Why are there rainbows in the sprinklers?

Teh raynbowz wur tryin' to be ninjas but dey FAIL. Gud roll on da Spot Chek!!

In the ST:TOS episode "The Enemy Within," where the transporter malfunctioned and Kirk was split in two and the Away Team was freezing to death planetside, why didn't they just send a shuttlecraft to pick up Sulu and his buddies?

Apparently I was beaten to the punch on Meri's so her goes the next one. Scotty was too busy having an affair in the one working shuttle they had. You know those engineering chics, they can be kinda freaky like that. Between that and the duct tape the shuttle wasn't able to be prepped for launch.

Why are ignorant people so often blinded by their own incompetance? (work frustrations bleeding through... sorry)