Because Bob from Bulgaria beseeched Heda to bounce to Tahiti and bring back bunches of hibiscus blooms to bestow a bounty of (Thesaurus! Stat!!) Beaux Yeux to his bowler.

Seems like Heda and Bob have similar ideas for their haberdashery.


Where did John Mayer go wrong, so horribly wrong?

Albuquerque... we're pretty sure that he missed a left turn, there, somewhere. *nods*


Why is it that Alex Trebek always looks so smug when someone provides an incorrect response on Jeopardy?

He isn't playing with Sean Connery while trying not to think of what Sean did to his mother lasht night.

Why can't I get my broomstick to fly me to the moon? (It stops just above my house)

Obviously, you are still playing with the Basic Set, I think they call it "The Brown Box." If you are to take your broomstick-flying game to the next level, you need to invest in the next expansion of Mages of the Shoreline's game "Broomstick: the Ascending." It's called "Broomstick: the Ascending--the Search for More Altitude (And Money!)" In it you'll collect randomly assorted accessories for your basic broomstick like Gnomish Thrusters, Lifters of Lore, Gauges of the Ghost Flight, and the super-rare Liquid Gruntpoot Funny Fuel. Equipped with the fantastical accoutrements found only in this expansion of Mages of the Shoreline's runaway hit game "Broomstick: the Ascending," you'll literally fly rings around the competition!


What's so great about 4ed Eladrin, anway?

What's NOT so great about 4ed Eladrin? What rock have you been under? Eladrin are the new super-cool race! They have no silly penalties that keep new PC's at first level forever while their comrades reap the benefits of normal level progression. We're so hot now, the Elves from Lord of the Rings would give their eyeteeth to be one of us! Who wants to play as a 4ed Elf? Derpy Newbs, that's who. All the hip players just flock to the Eladrin camp. Why, Justin Bieber just tweeted that he wants to play an Eladrin in an all-Eladrin party! Miley Cyrus updated her Facebook status: OMG! I gotta play the Rouge (sic) character!" Even Kevin Costner has joined up as the Wizard of the party, so says his MySpace page. Paris Hilton's got a YouTube vid in which she proclaims Eladrin Warlords are "totally yummers!" Oh, and who will DM this fantastic all-Eladrin, all-celeb 4ed par-tayy? None other than Perez Hilton! ZOMG! Eladrin Rule!!!


(I think I'm going to spew--gimme a second, here.)


Who is to really blame for the Gulf Oil Spill disaster?

The cast of "Jersey Shore". They were in Miami shooting season 2 when the whole thing started, you know, and the Tropicana and Coppertone and other assorted bronzer, hair goop, and stuff that was available just wasn't oily enough for those greeeeeezy-ba-jeeeeeezy kids!



Who put the bomp in the bomp-shoo-bomp-shoo-bomp?

It was none other than the Diabolic Duo of GruggKitty and TangerOctopus! GK hunted down the necessary vocal components and TO used his octo-citrusy-dexterity to arrange them in place!

And there was much rejoicing (yayyy)


Where did the Wizard go after his unexpected balloon flight in Wizard of Oz?

Why everyone knows he was the first to go to Disney World. He actually became a new attraction and gave rides in the hot air balloon until that sad, sad night when the Dumbo ride got stuck and started flinging pastel colorer elephants across the park and near supersonic speed. Although it did create a beautful likeness of a rainbow. Then while the crowd was Ooing and Ahing one made a direct hit on the Oz or Bust basket; severing the rope and sending out of control into the Stratusphere.

Who's buried in Grant's tomb?

Its George Lucas!

Why do mothers always say eat your veggies?

Our mothers secretly fear the prophecy that one day the vegetables will attain sentience and rise up against those who raised them on farms only to be eaten by the humans and other animals raised by humans. Kind of like The Matrix. By insisting we eat our veggies, they are preparing us to engage in mortal combat with the super-vegetables that will inevitably seek our lives. Genetically-engineered wheat, corn and others fulfill a major part of the prophecy.

They are coming. They hate us. Eat Them First!

Is there any woman in the galaxy Captain Kirk is not attracted to?

(Edit: "7 holy daggers"=Omen reference)

Nah, William Shatner told me he'd try anything twice.

How am I supposed to use this "Book of Erotic Fantasy" D&D supplement?

Carve it into a roosting post for the Norwegian Blue Parrot--it sure sleeps a lot!

What's the limit on obscure Monty Python references on this site, anyway?

Obviously your mother is a hamster because there are not any references to Monty Python used at Red Dragon Inn.

You would have to cross the Bridge of Death to find any references to Monty Python.

It would need to be something totally different than a reference to Monty Python.

You could be a beggar for six generations and not find a Monty Python reference here.

Here just let me got you a drink.

Nothing like a good glass of Chateau le Shlasseler, eh, Guissay?

BTW love your Norwegian Blue, Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?



Why are puns such a target for smiting?

Everyone really means to hit the Applaud button but because their so close we miss and hit the Smite instead and in order not to be embarrassed about our blunder we cover it up by declaring we did on purpose.

Why does Ody like puns?

Because ody cannot "Bear" to tell real jokes!

Why can't I stick to one "Welcome to the inn" message for noobs like Eol, or Tan'tallas?