Granted...they will now and forevermore appear in your favorite easy chair and eat all your food. And they will never leave.

I wish I had my own spaceship.

Your own spaceship! Only no keys, but it will make a lovely flower garden in your front yard!

I wish I could sleep better...

You sleep exceedingly well... Nighty-night Rip VanWinkle. See ya in a century or so.



I wish there were more hours in the day that weren't consumed by work.

There are. And they are subsequently consumed by a Grugg.


I wish for a massive foam noodle, an inflatable duck and a pair of water wings.

Granted. By the way, all are permanently stuck to your face; eating will be exceedingly difficult.

I wish Jessica Alba loved me.

Jessica does love you, or did... She was sitting on an airplane going to her next movie shoot when she happened upon this website via her laptop and read all of your posts, turns out she's a huge star wars fan as well. She sent an e-mail to the movie producer telling him she would not be there for the shoot and to hire someone else, as she had to go on a mission to find this Duncan man and devote her entire life to his happiness. Unfortunatly the plane crashed, and there were no survivors.

But... they say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, so don't take it too hard Duncan.

***

I wish gas didn't cost so much.

Granted! Gas is now free...but you have to drink it to make your car go.

I have Rolaids.

I wish I was the richest person in the world.

*POOF*

You are now the richest man in the world. Unfortunately, you earned all your money by eliminating time wasting chores like personal hygiene in order to have more time for moneymaking so you are also the most foul-smelling man in the world and nobody wants to take your money for fear of your deadly bacteria.

I wish I owned a David Tennant clone, complete with the Scottich brogue.

Granted - your wish comes true and is better then anything you could ever want. But at the stroke of midnight he turns into a Grugg that you can never get rid of.




I wish I had a car that ran on dirty water and instead of fumes, gave off clean water.

Granted! The clean water is given...in your lap. Enjoy.

I wish I had a decent job.

You find yourself suddenly living as a cloistered monk... covered from head to toe in a horsehair habit. Everything is completly covered and therefore very decent. However it itches and you have taken vows of silence and chastity... hmmm *shrug*

I wish the phone here at work would stop ringing!

suddenly and without warning...now everytime someone calls, it explodes. DUCK AND COVER!



I wish my dishes would do themselves

Granted. Your dishes wash themselves...then they revolt and kill everyone on the planet. Gee, thanks.

I wish I was king of the world.

you became King by default since you are the only person left.



I wish my elbow would stop hurting

Granted! But your left eyeball just exploded. Ew.

I wish I hadn't been standing so close when that happened.