Jessica does love you, or did... She was sitting on an airplane going to her next movie shoot when she happened upon this website via her laptop and read all of your posts, turns out she's a huge star wars fan as well. She sent an e-mail to the movie producer telling him she would not be there for the shoot and to hire someone else, as she had to go on a mission to find this Duncan man and devote her entire life to his happiness. Unfortunatly the plane crashed, and there were no survivors.
But... they say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, so don't take it too hard Duncan.
You are now the richest man in the world. Unfortunately, you earned all your money by eliminating time wasting chores like personal hygiene in order to have more time for moneymaking so you are also the most foul-smelling man in the world and nobody wants to take your money for fear of your deadly bacteria.
I wish I owned a David Tennant clone, complete with the Scottich brogue.
You find yourself suddenly living as a cloistered monk... covered from head to toe in a horsehair habit. Everything is completly covered and therefore very decent. However it itches and you have taken vows of silence and chastity... hmmm *shrug*