It's been quiet.

Too quiet.

I thought you were from Seattle-ish?

...that GIF game is unmatched. 

Getting close...

lolololol

I'm learning Irish, thank you very much.  Or "Irish Gaelic" if you like, though natives all call it "Irish".    Gaelic is the root tongue of Irish and Scots.  But I digress...

You mean to rtell me that this was a true Freudian slip?  And here, I thought you were very subtly trolling us all for weeks! 

If you're that unintelntionally clever, you may have issues that are addressed with antipsychotics. 

Don't think that I haven't been lauighing at that name since you sent me the character concept.  "Hi there, I'm Prison Knife!  You should TOTALLY trust me!"

It's not polite to stab party members until at least a few posts in, Bree.  Calm your jets.

We didn't ban the new guy at all.  He didn't get his activation email and misunderstood that he was banned since he couldn't log in. 

I don't know who banned them.  I don't know the username yet.  We'll get it figured out! 

So apprently, the other player I was most excited about did come here to register... and we banned their account, thinking they were a spammer.  Whoops.  They figured I was giving them the middle finger, which is why I never heard back. 

Good thing is, they are still interested!

Thanks for the kind words.  In general... I'm just sorry.

I'm going to see if I can stop wasting time and start an actual game.

We're up to six players now, with a fully balanced party.  I've reached back out to the best other application I received to see if they are still interested.  If not, I'm cool rolling with six.  Either way, we can start this moving and they can hop on the train in a minute.

Sorry for my absense.  I posted a thread about this, if you care to read, but beware the wet blanket vibe.

You may or may not be aware, but recent times at the Inn have been pretty good to me.  After a literal decade of trying, I actually ran my D&D/horror crossover game to completion - and in the process, experienced likely the very best level of play from my group that I have ever enjoyed.  As a bonus, I even won this year's NFL pick 'em game! 

So what did I do?  I pulled a patented Olan flake out.  Rather than play a cleric in the free form (read: you CANNOT screw this up) spinoff of my game, I... did nothing. 

I did some recruiting for the highly demanded next chapter of my game, got some GREAT responses, then I... did nothing.

Heck, I've had great interest is resuming my Trek game, and few thigns in life give me more joy than Trek.  Things were set up for us to boldly go.  So I... you guess it, did nothing.

Yes, work has been busy.  Yes, I anticipated a break due to the holidays.  But It's February, and I'm still doing nothing.  Why?

Warning: heavy stuff incoming.  Feel free to check out now, no harm no foul.  I've shared some of this with a couple of close people, but I think that it's time for me to just air my dirty laundry to the world.

This isn't new for me.  Why has the Inn never grown to what it's capable of?  Easy - the answer is me. 

I flake out.  I disappear for weeks, months.  I come back for a bit, start to get involved, then disappear again. 

Here's the truth of it - I suffer from depression.  I don't know why.  My life is pretty good.  I have a wonderful family.  I'm mostly healthy.  I enjoy a lot of good things.  I don't have any excuse to be sad, not really.

But I go through spells of barely wanting to get out of bed.  I lose excitement and enjoyment for things that legitimately give me pleasure. I cannot seem to find the motivation to do anything. I know that lets people down, and I feel worse about it.

There are days that I just want to sit and do nothing, or even cry.  I'm a grown man, and I cry while driving to and from work sometimes.  For no reason at all.  How pathetic is that?

I have time and time and time again fought to man up, to pull myself up by my bootstraps, to just put one foot in front of the other and eventually find the other side of the current valley.  And while I always do find the other side, it feels like there are more valleys in recent years, that the plateaus just aren't as high as they once were. 

To top it all off, I'll be 44 in a week, and I'm doing self inventory, berating myself for still struggling so much in day to day life, for not succeeding more in life.  I.e. I'm probably having a touch of a cliche mid life crisis. 

I know.  Poor pitiful me. 

My wife and I have talked about this a lot.  These months, these years are going to go by whether I figure this out of not.  How much more time do I have to waste before I take action?

So for the first time in my life, I've sought actual treatment for this issue.  Right now, I'm just taking St. John's Wort - which I've learned has had real success in clinical trials, is actually prescribed as an antidepressant in Europe (is the most prescribed antidepressant in Germany).  I'm giving it eight weeks, and if things don't get better, I'll see about prescription drugs.  Maybe some therapy... maybe I should seek that regardless.

But anyway, if you're wondering where I've been, or why I've been so frustratingly silent, there you go.  I am legitimately sorry for not being more present, more active.  All I can say is that I'm trying to do better. 

I can't trust you people for five minutes, can I?

Been out of pocket most of the last week.  Lots of work deadlines and issues.  I plan to really get into this next week.

If you are gaining proficiency slots, feel free to update them.. but by and large, I'll handle it.

Really good reddit convos with potential players.

Gib got a great tan! 

5th level is what I'm feeling.

I get it.  I steal five minutes here and there all the time. 

Urgent care?  Hope everything is okay.

Eol, I see you rolling up that XP!

If anyone else is on Duolingo and wants to add me as a friend, I'm HomebrewDad there. 

See!

It was a game.  Lighthearted fun.  Cheese.

No betrayals this time.  I mean, not by party members. 

You WOUND me, sir.

I'll have you know that this betrayal was the idea of the player, not me!  I only planned to torture her, thank you very much.

I have done as much as an eight person party before.  That said, I was planning to go 6-7.  Maybe. 

If everyone knocks my socks off... awesome.  But expresssing interest does NOT guarantee a spot in the game.

I would rather play with the five hunks of dynamite I know that I have than to have to prod someone constantly to post, or for them to show me the narrativie ability of a box. 

Again, this is not a first come, first served thing.  I have three people interested in being a rogue, which is what I feel is the biggest need in the partty.  As such, the best character concept will get the first choice to fill that spot.  Going to seven - let alone eight - will mean that you'll need to make a character that compliments the group and is compelling in terms of personality, background, etc.

...I have now closed the reddit thread, as I have gotten even more interest.   

The typical naming convention for Vidarak surnames is "xxxxsson" and "xxxxsdatter".  I.e. Einar Gralsson (if his father's name is "Gral").